The Great Indian Hero

Bollywood, Kollywood, Tollywood, Mollywood, Sandalwood and many other woods present in India... The environmentalists and the tree huggers can have a sigh of relief, I am not talking about real trees but the varied Indian film industries from north to the south... Talkies aka Cinemas aka Movies are in our blood and veins...

We are the only country where we worship our actors and idolize them as role models... Pick a school child in random and ask him what he wants to be he would say I wanna be like SRK or any one of those Ridiculous Khans...

Speaking of the Ridiculous Khans, in spite of being varied in the way we make our movies the woods have one special entity in common... One common characteristic that connects all these woods, again the tree huggers can take a sigh of relief we are not gonna cut down trees to connect any woods...

This one common speck of entity connecting the woods is the GREAT INDIAN HERO...

Ohhh Hell yeah we are talking now... Any Indian movie script compulsorily must and I stress MUST have a hero in it... All the Indian script writers have a common template to their movies... This is an excerpt of one such script... :)

Movie always starts off with Hero introduction... Saves someone mostly the heroine or her cousin sister or her uncles friend or her step mothers grand daughter... Irrespective of whom he saves which is irrelevant the hero says I HAVE A PLAN... Next scene he goes in alone and throws people here and there and the introduction is over...

Second part of the movie is where he falls in love with the heroine or vice versa happens... he asks his friends for suggestions tips and tricks to woo the girl but at the end of the day he says I HAVE A PLAN... Next scene he goes alone and woos the girl with all the charm in the world and the girl falls like SUPERMAN to a stone of kryptonite..

Third and usually the final part where the super villain grabs the heroine and has the entire world as hostage at some super secret location which is reachable by an hrs drive from the hero's house... Again the Hero says I HAVE A PLAN... well for the umpteenth time the next scene he goes out alone without caring for his own life with unlimited ammo in one cartridge of a clay made AK-47 that looks like a tommy gun with roll caps... Well as for always the GREAT INDIAN HERO saves the day and rescues everyone from the baddies...

And we all lived happily every after... :)

Until then signing off with the GREAT INDIAN HERO who keeps the streets of India safe from baddies... :)

Cheers till next time... :)

Ten things I hate about you: The Mindless Driver

Top ten things I hate about Mindless car drivers..... :)

1. I hate the way you drive slow on the fast lane... and the way you cut lanes....
2. Hate the way you jump signals...
3. I hate it when you honk...
4. I hate your large dumb high beams...
5. I hate your attitude so much that it makes me puke...
6. I hate it when you make a mistake and hate the way you think you are always right...
7. Hate it when you park, especially on a curve and think people can fly over you...
8. Hate it when you don't give me way...
9. Hate you more when you just put the person behind you in trouble and drive away like nothing happened...
10. Most of all I hate you for buying a car, when you should have just taken a bus...

Nevertheless I Hate you for hating me the same way I hate you..... :)

Auto Raja

Public transport is one of the most efficient of transport until recently in Bangalore. Buses and Autos and Taxis are the mostly used according to the descending order of use. Buses do not pose a big threat by con men apart from the odd conductor not giving you change ranging from 2Rs to 10Rs.

Meanwhile taxis are usually organized and again not much of threat as most of  the people using taxis are usually to the airport or even they don't its quite fool proof.

Then you have the local auto rajas of Bangalore. They can literally take you out on a Bangalore Yatra if you aren't from around and even if you are and don't know the routes. I am not saying that everyone is a con man who would just swindle you for an extra buck.

But the trick is to trick a con man into making him think that you know the place. So here is the list of five things that you shouldn't do while getting into an auto.

1. First Commandment: Sir nimage route gotha?? Do you know the route.?? Never ask the Auto raja if he knows the route to a particular place.
2. Second Commandment: When he says Meter mele hathu rupai kodi (meter charges plus ten rs) usually the place is nearby and you can probably walk the distance.
3. Third Commandment: Do not succumb to emotional atyachar like poor people, full day riding to make a living and nonsense like that. He is out to make an honest living not to ask for qualms. 
4. Fourth Commandment: Never ask him if he can take a route always tell him to take a route. If you think you know an area that comes in between your departure and destination tell the areas name and ask him to take that route. That usually throws him off guard and makes him think you know the place.
5. Fifth Commandment: This is the final and most important of them all. If you see a photo of a person shown below, stuck on the wind shield never ask him if it is the auto raja's father cause I cannot guarantee you will reach your destination in one piece.

This just some of the rules that I personally think works with our local auto raja's. And for god's sake please never ask who Rajkumar aka Raj anna is.... ;)

Cheers until then... :)

Day to Day Survival Strategy

Every day we deal with people, this poses the greatest challenge to one's character and his ability to cope with LIFE on a daily basis..

There are two kinds of people we generally meet the The GOOD and The BAD... The GOOD generally do good deeds so we don't need to worry much about them, whereas the BAD one's generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

Now generally speaking there are two kinds of BAD people... the one's who ungli themselves and the one's who ungli others... The one's that ungli themselves are self destructive elements so we don't need to worry much about them, whereas the one's who ungli us generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

 The one's who ungli us can be of two kinds one with long fingers and other with small fingers... the one's with the small fingers wont be able to hurt your pubic hairs also so u generally don't have to worry about them, whereas the one's with the long fingers generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

Now the one's with the long fingers can be of two types generally...  the genetic freaks and the non genetic freaks... the genetic freaks are all the one's with the manufacturing defect so nothing can be done about them they will be the same forever, whereas the non genetic freaks generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

That gives us the BAD UNGLI-ing LONG FINGERED NON GENETIC FREAKS... this infinitesimally narrow minded group of self righteous jackasses are the one's whom we generally need to deal with on a daily day to day basis... Statistically speaking this is a group of narcissistic, people loathing bunch of jerks... As the management strategy goes figuring out the problem is 75% of your solution. We now know what your issue is and what exact group of people cause major problems in your life..

We now can isolate this group of problem causing people this has solved 75% of your problems... now comes the solution part... we have two solutions or rather two ways to go about it or philosophically speaking this is your fork in the road... We can either choose to fight fire with fire and become BAD UNGLI-ing LONG FINGERED NON GENETIC FREAKS in their lives and get your hands dirty which is actually unhygienic and uncouth...

While we have another way to go about doing things... Assume you are in the matrix and these group of people are those people that are in the matrix and you are Neo the one who understands the reality, and in your reality these people don't really hold any value and they are merely a figment of your imagination... they are so small that they don't even deserve a Kilobyte of your memory space in your brain...

Finally Its not about Forgive and Forget, it's about not accepting that such people even exist... Keep smiling whatever happens... (",)

The Humping laws... :)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... Do not get deceived or start fantasizing after reading the title, You people must understand that no obscenity will be entertained on this blog in any form... So without much further ado what am I here to write about...

Well from ages of research and investigation here are my findings about how, why and where do the BBMP(Bruhat Bengaluru Mahanagara palike) guys put humps and make their roads... Before we go into the details of the study I would like to describe what is a hump and different kinds of humps that can be found on the road... Humps are basically designed to slow down and oncoming vehicle...

The word hump is basically derived from hump of a camel since it is shaped similarly... Now other than the traditional humps there are 2 other kinds of humps that can be found on the road one is the Speed cushions and the flat top humps... I call them the speed cushions THE RATTLERS and i call the the flat top humps THE FLIERS... So enough of this gyan lets go to the main gyan at hand...

So following are the rules they follow to make those dreadful HUMPS,

Whenever the contractor fights with his wife he adds a HUMP... The number of HUMPS are directly proportional to the intensity of the fight and the type of HUMP depends on the Universal Humping constant H...

Every other time the contractor sees a Software engineer on the road the contractor lays down a HUMP in his memory, Therefore the number of HUMPS is actually equal to the number of software engineers in Bangalore. The point to be noted here is the HUMPS laid for a software engineer is always a FLIER as software engineers always search for a platform to take off from.

The contractor being a big sandalwood fan every time there is a flop movie that comes out he lays down a HUMP in memory of the producer who has gone bust... Hence the number of HUMPS is directly proportional to the number of dead, suicidal, bust producers of Kannada movies.

So that concludes my HUMPING laws.... Happy and Safe HUMPING... :D

Manipal Revisited... Day 2: Madikeri to Mangalore

Day 2(April 2nd 2010)

The day started with us waking up at 6 so that we could leave

early, but then it turned out to be that we were gonna get late... We visited Sunil's uncles place near the Home stay and with some more off roading that was the perfect way to start off the day... :)

After the visit we got ready and we started towards Manipal, the ride down from coorg was beautiful, some awesome mountains and the roads were all winding so did some foot scrapings... Me and Abhi shot off initially then i took off leaving the guys behind... After some hiccups of Sunils dome breaking off we managed to reach Sullya by 11... We had to refuel here and pick up some cash... After the refuelling our Ice cream man Abhi found an ice cream stall near the petrol bunk so we had ice cream and other stuff... ;) After the snack break we found that Abhi's bike had gotten punctured so we got delayed by an hour...

After getting the puncture fixed we again left and this time me and sunil took off... Again some amazing winding roads... We stopped just before Mangalore for some tender coconut and then managed to cross Mangalore by about 1... The bus gang had already reached Manipal and were getting restless for our arrival... We decided to stop for lunch at Bittu da dhaba at about 20 kms from Manipal where we hogged like hungry dogs... :) Finally we managed to reach Manipal at around 5 and reached Tiger circle where the reunion of the boys happened... :) Then we went to Chira's place to freshen up and go to the fest which apparently we came for... While a few guys were freshening up i was narrating on the happenings of the ride to the other guys bringing them upto speed...

We went to the fest after everyone got ready and it was a complete disaster... The fashion was boring and the dances were horrible... But we guys had a ball dancing and shouting for everything... No one was sitting next to us with the amount of noise we were making... Pity the guy who came and asked me which college we are from and my prompt reply saying "BTMT dude" and we all burst out laughing our backs off... Finally we got bored with the stupid fashion show so we decided to start our own party back at Chira's place... :) And so the party began with all the arguments and discussion after the booze we laughed like crazy... The star of that night's show was the newbie Karthik... Sunil was tripping on him royally with his GG rantings...

Half of the guys crashed after dinner, while Me, BK, Chira, Suppu and Karthik were talking about all kinds of random things... Till we crashed outselves by about 4 30 in the morning... ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Into the Darkness... :)

On the shores on Vagator beach (Goa)... It was one of the most beautiful sunsets i have ever seen... :)

Office chronicles....

Today was a different day, Today was a good day since I got my act together finally after a long time and got myself into office early... The world looks so different when you actually leave your house early, Its like a totally new world which just started afresh... Ok ok I get the point of the post is what happens when one comes into office real early...

1. You miss the rush hour traffic and get to ride in peace without any stops, unless you run out of fuel.
2. Get away from riding in the burning sun...
3. You get to see a lot of people jogging and walking, looking at them makes you feel younger and healthier and makes you feel you are also working out...
4. Good parking space, right near the elevator so that you dont have to walk a lot...
5. Clean toilets... :D
6. No security guards at the gate asking you for id cards and vehicle stickers...
7. You need not wait for the lift and avoid annoying stops on every floor, its all yours...
8. The coffee machine is all clean and yours, need not wait for your turn...
9. You can listen to songs and sing out loud and not get embarrassed...
10. You can pretend you are working hard when everyone starts to come in...
11. People start thinking you are a moron because you get to leave early in the evening...
12. You tend to fall asleep every half an hour...

Anymore points to add please leave ur comments.. ;)

Emotional Atyachar...

So the producers of one of Indian television channels sat down one day and decided they need to do something out of the box and after much contemplation and discussion they decided to start this show called Emotional Atyachar... For those who don't watch this show (includes me too) the concept of this show is to test the loyalty of your partner on national TV... :)

This is how it works, the case is introduced by one of the partners to the Television guys... The person who is being tested is the suspect... Its usually the guy who is the suspect here most of the times because they are the least self righteous of the all and they wanted to prove that the woman's quota bill needs a push...

So one of them thinks the guy is having an affair its either the insecure stupid girl(ISG) or her friend or the guys friend or guys brother or guys sister or the guys neighbor or the guys milk man or the guys whatever... They go to the TV channel who are much obliged for their TRP ratings that they will get, they play the sleuths and put in a hot young model or two who is the Emotional atyachar agent into this guys life...

So with cameras and mics in place the games of emotional atyachar begin...

Day 1
Our suspect goes to have coffee, where he gets wooed down by the hot young model...
Hot young model: Hey how are u??
Suspect: I am fine, what about u??
Hot young model: I am fine... So why don't u take down my number and gimme a call sometime...
Suspect: (thank u god) Sure if u insist..

Day 2
Hot young model calls suspect on his phone.. Tring Tring Tring.. Suspect is all excited about her call (thank u again god)..
Suspect: Hey hi, I was just thinking of u and u called.. What a coincidence...
Hot young model: I was thinking of u too which is why i called u.. Shall we party tonight...
Suspect: (of course) ya ya sure we can...
Hot young model: ok meet me tonight at 7pm...
Suspect: (This is awesome) I shall meet u there at 7pm(in fact i will be waiting there from 6 itself)..

6 PM Suspect is already waiting there for the Hot young model.... All this is being recorded by the super intelligent sleuths of Emotional atyachar...
7 PM Hot young model arrives..
Suspect: hey i was waiting for u.... u looking nice by the way...
Hot young model: thank u so much.. chalo then lets go inside and have a drink and dance a little...
Suspect:(why do u think i am waiting from an hour f0r) sure sure come lets go inside...

After a few drinks.... Rather after the Hot young model got the suspect drunk totally...

Hot young model: Shall we go to my place... I can drive u are too drunk...
Suspect: Sure.. hic hic..

After reaching home the Hot young model spins her web of intimacy over an inebriated idiot who cant make out a thing... After some intimate moments that have been recorded by this secret camera in the room its time for the big showdown... Its time for the ISG to confront the Suspect...

So our suspect is lying down on the Hot young model's lap when the camera crew storm into the room explaining him everything... All the alcohol in the suspects head wears off and he is dumbstruck and doesn't know what exactly to tell...

So is our ISG she is also dumbstruck and stands in awe after seeing the suspect get up from the Hot young model's laps... She is totally furious and walks down and slaps the anchor of the show...

Anchor: Why did u slap me.. I helped u find out how loyal ur boy friend was.
ISG: U helped my beep.. beep beep beeeppp.. beep beep... beep beep beep.. beep beep beeppp..

After some audio enhancements they actually found something else between the beeps... This is exclusively for your viewing... But catch you after the break...

So after the break the show comes back on air, with the whole Indian junta sitting on the edge of their seats to find out what happened... So here is the exclusive footage of what ISG actually said... VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED...

ISG: u helped my aaa beep... u baa beep this is not my boy friend at all... i broke up with this ass beep last week... i wanted u to do a loyalty test on my latest boy friend... i dumped his aaa beep for the new one...

Anchor: Damn why did i have to be the anchor to this show...
Suspect: Ah what a evening it was... This is the best break up i have ever had...
ISG: All guys are the same...
Hot young model: who's next...
Producer: Wow TRP rating increases if the anchor gets slapped... :)


To all those idiots who empower today's crappy media .!.. ..!.

Others have a good weekend guys... :)

Insomniac

I was sweating profusely, breathing heavily and was having a double vision... I was in the world in between sleep and the real world where nothing seems real... It seemed like the world was stand still in front of my eyes, even the faintest of sounds echoed in my ears, the minutest of the smells got to my nose and yet my body dint feel in control of itself... Even the smallest of the movements required a huge effort...

It was the same feeling everyday or rather every night... I was suffering from something that they call insomnia... It was 5 days since i had slept last and was feeling lost in my own world with sleepless nights... The first couple of nights were easy to pass as i would watch a movie and pass my time till day break, with the growing lack sleep it started to become difficult... The sweating increased my heart beat felt like it would go away any minute...

Every night i would lie down and make an effort to sleep but then the effort to sleep made it difficult to sleep... I would sit soaked in my own sweat thinking why I couldnt sleep... Was it some sin i had commited, was I possesed, is it some neurological problem???

So after 5 days of sleeplessness I decided to do something about it, so as per the advice given by my mom i thought let me try Yoga and meditation... She asked me to lie down flat on my back with my hands and legs fully spread out and not folded and i would feel sleepy soon... I started laughing at my mom and said "Mom that wont work, I will try something else"...

So there i went for another couple of days trying things in vain and spent sleepless nights trying to sleep... Whoever said try try till you succeed dint include sleeping in it... The count was now 8 days without sleep, also i read somewhere that 10 days without sleep could kill a person and desperation crept through after that...

So after much contemplation i decided to try my moms advice and lie down how she asked me to lie down... Thats when i realised what was wrong and why i couldnt sleep... While i was lying to flat on my back a sinister and evil smirk came onto me... One part of me was thinking how stupid of me the other part was thinking finally found the reason...

So i got up switched on the FAN and slept like a baby after almost 8 days of sleeplessness...

Moral of the story: Moms always have the right answer to everything... :)

Déjà vu (Finale) : Acceptance

This is the final and concluding part of this post, you can read the previous posts here
Part 1
Part 2

Acceptance the final stage... No matter what the situation is, after all the stages of denial, anger, bargaining and depression everything boils down to acceptance... Ravi was trying to accept what had happened to him, what wrong he had done and finally facing the facts...

He decided to go and meet Arjun in person and apologize for what happened... He would plead till they accept him back... He wanted redemption from all that he had done... He reached Arjun's house and knocked on the door and Arjun's mom opened the door... She was overwhelmed to see Ravi after such a long time and hugged him so hard that she pushed him down... She dragged him inside without a word spoken and started firing questions left right and center...

After answering all of the questions Ravi finally mustered up some courage to ask her "Aunty where is Arjun".. She said beta he is upstairs go to his room... Ravi went upstairs dragging his slump weight one step at a time and knocked on Arjun's door......

The next split second Ravi came rolling down the stairs with a huge thud... What he saw next was something he would remember all his life or at least remember the last few seconds of his life... It was Arjun holding the wicket that Ravi had used it to hit him... Arjun was holding it with the blood stains still evident and rage filled in his eyes... Ravi got up and started running out of the house and realized he had broken his leg and a couple of ribs too... He turned back to see Arjun's was right behind him and was taking a wild swing... It was Déjà vu time only this time he was on the receiving end... And then there was blackness...

Ravi woke up with a startle to find Arjun shaking him up... He almost fell down from the bed after seeing Arjun... Arjun was telling him something but he could not hear what he was saying...

"Dude Ravi get up lets go play cricket man.. Wake up and get ready, we have a match to play"

Story of a Banana (Part 1): Hero

Like all the heroes our hero the Banana was born in a backward downtrodden village, in some remote corner which no one has ever heard about... He was born with about a hundred or may be more brothers and sisters but unlike his siblings he was determined, to achieve something in life... Despite their efforts of convincing him to lead a normal life he decided to move to the city to make something big of his life...

Finally the day came and he was stashed away in a container with some other bananas of the village and was taken away in one of those dreadful wheeled machines which made deafening sounds... As his siblings looked over him being carried away he had mixed emotions of happiness and sorrow at once... But deep down inside he was confident he will make it big some day...

It was a long and a tiring journey... Many of his friends from the farm couldn't take the harsh conditions... A few of them committed suicide by jumping out of the crates or by slitting their precious skins... But our hero was still persistent and took all the pain in hopes of glory some day... After a long journey to no where the machine stopped and the containers were moved into what looked like jaws of death... Containers went in full of his friends and friends from a different clan and they came out empty... It was white and big on all four sides with a blue jaw that moved up and down and made a shuddering sound when moved... He saw men carry containers of them going inside, on one of the walls was written something which he couldn't read... Once inside he was dropped on the ground without any mercy... He was young so could take the impact a few of his older friends were again killed because of the fall... But he was confident and determined to become something...

There he was lying down without moving and staring at the sky which had many small suns, wait it was not the sky it was the death machine... He was inside this machine... All his dreams of making it big came crumbling until he saw an orange flash in front of him... One of the men dropped a few citrus friends next to his heap of bananas... Of all of them one of them particularly caught his attention, she was so orangy and looked so juicy, he was mesmerized by her beauty... She came rolling down to him because of the fall and touched his head... It bought him back to reality... Was it reality or a dream she was lying besides him in total horror of the fall... He pinched himself to see if it was reality and shouted out loud, started laughing at him for his stupidity... All he could blurt out was a hi and a sick smile when suddenly all the suns went out and that blue jaw closed down with a shudder and there was complete silence and darkness...

But he knew he would make it big... He would be a successful Banana some day... :)

Looking back at 2009...

Looking back at some of the moments of 2009... There were some happy ones some not so happy ones, some great ones some not so great ones... These moments keep you going and keeps you craving for more... Pictures speak a thousand words so looking back at some great moments of 2009...
Me and James (Jan 2009) at Grameen... :) Met up with school mates after quite a long time...

Me with the boys at Auto expo in Palace grounds(Jan 2009) From left to right Babu, Abhi, Suppu, Sunil, BK, Me and Pradeep

An important day for my friends Ankur and Amrita's wedding (Feb 2009).. :)

My first ride with the boys.. At Manchinabele (March 2009)... From left Me, Abhi, BK and Sunil...
Me and Akhil.. Our first ride together... :) Also with us was Manish clicking the picture... At Shivanasmudram (April 2009)

Couple of young friends who took me back to my childhood... Travel friends met on the way back from Coorg(April 2009)... Thanks to my sick memory I dont remember their names..

Ride with RTMC to Cloud valley in Coorg (May 2009)...

The Rappa with RTMC.. In front of the ruins near Rappa (June 2009)...

Trip with cousins to Gopal swamy betta and Bandipur(July 2009)... Sporting a new clean shaved look.. ;) From left Karthiyayni akka, Me, Divya, Latha, Santosh and Arun anna...

Ride to Kemmangundi with RTMC again (July 2009).. Me on my bird at the end..

Akhils send off at Jalsa(August 2009)... Manish on the left and Akhil on the right.. :)

RTMC anniversary at Waynad(Oct 2009).. Anniversary party rocked totally... :)

My little cousins Madhu on the left and Manu on the right Diwali (Oct 2009)

Karting with office team mates at E zone(Nov 2009)

Finally last but not the least... The trek to kodachadri with the boys (Dec 2009)... From left Chira, BK, Suppu, Sunil, Rajanna, Me and Bharavi..

Hoping to have many more moments like these this year... :) Have a great 2010...