The Humping laws... :)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... Do not get deceived or start fantasizing after reading the title, You people must understand that no obscenity will be entertained on this blog in any form... So without much further ado what am I here to write about...

Well from ages of research and investigation here are my findings about how, why and where do the BBMP(Bruhat Bengaluru Mahanagara palike) guys put humps and make their roads... Before we go into the details of the study I would like to describe what is a hump and different kinds of humps that can be found on the road... Humps are basically designed to slow down and oncoming vehicle...

The word hump is basically derived from hump of a camel since it is shaped similarly... Now other than the traditional humps there are 2 other kinds of humps that can be found on the road one is the Speed cushions and the flat top humps... I call them the speed cushions THE RATTLERS and i call the the flat top humps THE FLIERS... So enough of this gyan lets go to the main gyan at hand...

So following are the rules they follow to make those dreadful HUMPS,

Whenever the contractor fights with his wife he adds a HUMP... The number of HUMPS are directly proportional to the intensity of the fight and the type of HUMP depends on the Universal Humping constant H...

Every other time the contractor sees a Software engineer on the road the contractor lays down a HUMP in his memory, Therefore the number of HUMPS is actually equal to the number of software engineers in Bangalore. The point to be noted here is the HUMPS laid for a software engineer is always a FLIER as software engineers always search for a platform to take off from.

The contractor being a big sandalwood fan every time there is a flop movie that comes out he lays down a HUMP in memory of the producer who has gone bust... Hence the number of HUMPS is directly proportional to the number of dead, suicidal, bust producers of Kannada movies.

So that concludes my HUMPING laws.... Happy and Safe HUMPING... :D

Analysis of Area 505456

Mission: Analysis of area 505456(random generated number) commonly known and referred by everyone as OFFICE… Further in the report we will refer to the area as Area 505456…
Reason: To better understand the fauna of the area, to understand the species inhabitant in the particular area and their living and eating habits…
Number of people doing the analysis: JUST ME ALONE in the JUNGLE…
Time of Analysis: 24/7 round the clock surveillance…

Initial analysis of the area revealed some shocking revelations and some shocking realities about the area… The fauna of the area majorly consists of 3 species though all of them look the same, but the behavioral attributes of each of them is totally different… The 3 species found are stated below; we now did an in-depth analysis of each of these species…
1. Sycophantinidae kismiass
2. Rebelliouso fubar
3. Loner survivorus
The in-depth analysis of these species was done from morning to evening… In the morning as the herds rush into Area 505456… Though these species are perfectly capable of locomotion they are transported by these mechanized machines that bring herds of them into area 505456…
We studied basically a few majorly influenced attributes of these species; they are enlisted as follows,
1. General behavior
2. Eating habits
3. General habitat

Sycophantinidae kismiass

General Habitat: These species can be found generally wherever the leader of the herd is around, mostly behind the herd’s alpha male.
Eating Habits: This particular species always eats with the leader of the pack or if the leader is eating with other leaders for some reason then they eat with the same species of other herds where they discuss strategy of sycophancy.
General Behavior: They follow the leader blindly and do whatever he asks them to do and also run’s errands for these guys without asking questions… Their name was formed from the way they usually flatter to the leaders of the pack… Hence the name kismiass…

Rebelliouso fubar

General Habitat: The members of this particular species can be found as far as away from the leaders as possible… They try and run away from wherever the leader’s of the pack usually dwells…
Eating Habits: The members of this species eat generally with the same species of other herds… Usually over food they discuss how much they hate the other species…
General Behavior: They usually complain about anything and everything that exist other than them… They can be found gossiping and passing comments about the other species especially of the species Sycophantinidae kismiass… Their name is derived from the rebellious nature and is the reason why they are FUBAR (f#cked up beyond all recognition)


Loner survivorus

General habitat: The members of this species are the loners and they survive dwelling alone in their own world… They can usually be found in any corner of the area ogling at nothing…
Eating habits: The members of this species usually eat alone and they don’t mingle even with the members of the same species…
General behavior: The members of this particular species can be found lost in their own world not even caring where they are and what they do… They live with their loneliness and the secret of survival is being alone… Their name was derived from their general ability to survive alone…

Summary
Also from the study I found that these species are regularly at war with each other for various reasons and circumstances… The species that fight the most are the Sycophantinidae kismiass and Rebelliouso fubar whose intellectual thinking is eons apart and they hate each other… Usually the species Sycophantinidae kismiass can be seen climbing the ladder soon because of their sycophancy but sometimes an exceptional Rebelliouso fubar also can be seen at the top of the food chain…

I hope this brief report of Area 505456 helps you to identify what species you are from… This report is totally a generic report and holds good to any Area similar to Area 505456…