The Great Indian Hero

Bollywood, Kollywood, Tollywood, Mollywood, Sandalwood and many other woods present in India... The environmentalists and the tree huggers can have a sigh of relief, I am not talking about real trees but the varied Indian film industries from north to the south... Talkies aka Cinemas aka Movies are in our blood and veins...

We are the only country where we worship our actors and idolize them as role models... Pick a school child in random and ask him what he wants to be he would say I wanna be like SRK or any one of those Ridiculous Khans...

Speaking of the Ridiculous Khans, in spite of being varied in the way we make our movies the woods have one special entity in common... One common characteristic that connects all these woods, again the tree huggers can take a sigh of relief we are not gonna cut down trees to connect any woods...

This one common speck of entity connecting the woods is the GREAT INDIAN HERO...

Ohhh Hell yeah we are talking now... Any Indian movie script compulsorily must and I stress MUST have a hero in it... All the Indian script writers have a common template to their movies... This is an excerpt of one such script... :)

Movie always starts off with Hero introduction... Saves someone mostly the heroine or her cousin sister or her uncles friend or her step mothers grand daughter... Irrespective of whom he saves which is irrelevant the hero says I HAVE A PLAN... Next scene he goes in alone and throws people here and there and the introduction is over...

Second part of the movie is where he falls in love with the heroine or vice versa happens... he asks his friends for suggestions tips and tricks to woo the girl but at the end of the day he says I HAVE A PLAN... Next scene he goes alone and woos the girl with all the charm in the world and the girl falls like SUPERMAN to a stone of kryptonite..

Third and usually the final part where the super villain grabs the heroine and has the entire world as hostage at some super secret location which is reachable by an hrs drive from the hero's house... Again the Hero says I HAVE A PLAN... well for the umpteenth time the next scene he goes out alone without caring for his own life with unlimited ammo in one cartridge of a clay made AK-47 that looks like a tommy gun with roll caps... Well as for always the GREAT INDIAN HERO saves the day and rescues everyone from the baddies...

And we all lived happily every after... :)

Until then signing off with the GREAT INDIAN HERO who keeps the streets of India safe from baddies... :)

Cheers till next time... :)

Ten things I hate about you: The Mindless Driver

Top ten things I hate about Mindless car drivers..... :)

1. I hate the way you drive slow on the fast lane... and the way you cut lanes....
2. Hate the way you jump signals...
3. I hate it when you honk...
4. I hate your large dumb high beams...
5. I hate your attitude so much that it makes me puke...
6. I hate it when you make a mistake and hate the way you think you are always right...
7. Hate it when you park, especially on a curve and think people can fly over you...
8. Hate it when you don't give me way...
9. Hate you more when you just put the person behind you in trouble and drive away like nothing happened...
10. Most of all I hate you for buying a car, when you should have just taken a bus...

Nevertheless I Hate you for hating me the same way I hate you..... :)

Auto Raja

Public transport is one of the most efficient of transport until recently in Bangalore. Buses and Autos and Taxis are the mostly used according to the descending order of use. Buses do not pose a big threat by con men apart from the odd conductor not giving you change ranging from 2Rs to 10Rs.

Meanwhile taxis are usually organized and again not much of threat as most of  the people using taxis are usually to the airport or even they don't its quite fool proof.

Then you have the local auto rajas of Bangalore. They can literally take you out on a Bangalore Yatra if you aren't from around and even if you are and don't know the routes. I am not saying that everyone is a con man who would just swindle you for an extra buck.

But the trick is to trick a con man into making him think that you know the place. So here is the list of five things that you shouldn't do while getting into an auto.

1. First Commandment: Sir nimage route gotha?? Do you know the route.?? Never ask the Auto raja if he knows the route to a particular place.
2. Second Commandment: When he says Meter mele hathu rupai kodi (meter charges plus ten rs) usually the place is nearby and you can probably walk the distance.
3. Third Commandment: Do not succumb to emotional atyachar like poor people, full day riding to make a living and nonsense like that. He is out to make an honest living not to ask for qualms. 
4. Fourth Commandment: Never ask him if he can take a route always tell him to take a route. If you think you know an area that comes in between your departure and destination tell the areas name and ask him to take that route. That usually throws him off guard and makes him think you know the place.
5. Fifth Commandment: This is the final and most important of them all. If you see a photo of a person shown below, stuck on the wind shield never ask him if it is the auto raja's father cause I cannot guarantee you will reach your destination in one piece.

This just some of the rules that I personally think works with our local auto raja's. And for god's sake please never ask who Rajkumar aka Raj anna is.... ;)

Cheers until then... :)

Day to Day Survival Strategy

Every day we deal with people, this poses the greatest challenge to one's character and his ability to cope with LIFE on a daily basis..

There are two kinds of people we generally meet the The GOOD and The BAD... The GOOD generally do good deeds so we don't need to worry much about them, whereas the BAD one's generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

Now generally speaking there are two kinds of BAD people... the one's who ungli themselves and the one's who ungli others... The one's that ungli themselves are self destructive elements so we don't need to worry much about them, whereas the one's who ungli us generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

 The one's who ungli us can be of two kinds one with long fingers and other with small fingers... the one's with the small fingers wont be able to hurt your pubic hairs also so u generally don't have to worry about them, whereas the one's with the long fingers generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

Now the one's with the long fingers can be of two types generally...  the genetic freaks and the non genetic freaks... the genetic freaks are all the one's with the manufacturing defect so nothing can be done about them they will be the same forever, whereas the non genetic freaks generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

That gives us the BAD UNGLI-ing LONG FINGERED NON GENETIC FREAKS... this infinitesimally narrow minded group of self righteous jackasses are the one's whom we generally need to deal with on a daily day to day basis... Statistically speaking this is a group of narcissistic, people loathing bunch of jerks... As the management strategy goes figuring out the problem is 75% of your solution. We now know what your issue is and what exact group of people cause major problems in your life..

We now can isolate this group of problem causing people this has solved 75% of your problems... now comes the solution part... we have two solutions or rather two ways to go about it or philosophically speaking this is your fork in the road... We can either choose to fight fire with fire and become BAD UNGLI-ing LONG FINGERED NON GENETIC FREAKS in their lives and get your hands dirty which is actually unhygienic and uncouth...

While we have another way to go about doing things... Assume you are in the matrix and these group of people are those people that are in the matrix and you are Neo the one who understands the reality, and in your reality these people don't really hold any value and they are merely a figment of your imagination... they are so small that they don't even deserve a Kilobyte of your memory space in your brain...

Finally Its not about Forgive and Forget, it's about not accepting that such people even exist... Keep smiling whatever happens... (",)

The Humping laws... :)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... Do not get deceived or start fantasizing after reading the title, You people must understand that no obscenity will be entertained on this blog in any form... So without much further ado what am I here to write about...

Well from ages of research and investigation here are my findings about how, why and where do the BBMP(Bruhat Bengaluru Mahanagara palike) guys put humps and make their roads... Before we go into the details of the study I would like to describe what is a hump and different kinds of humps that can be found on the road... Humps are basically designed to slow down and oncoming vehicle...

The word hump is basically derived from hump of a camel since it is shaped similarly... Now other than the traditional humps there are 2 other kinds of humps that can be found on the road one is the Speed cushions and the flat top humps... I call them the speed cushions THE RATTLERS and i call the the flat top humps THE FLIERS... So enough of this gyan lets go to the main gyan at hand...

So following are the rules they follow to make those dreadful HUMPS,

Whenever the contractor fights with his wife he adds a HUMP... The number of HUMPS are directly proportional to the intensity of the fight and the type of HUMP depends on the Universal Humping constant H...

Every other time the contractor sees a Software engineer on the road the contractor lays down a HUMP in his memory, Therefore the number of HUMPS is actually equal to the number of software engineers in Bangalore. The point to be noted here is the HUMPS laid for a software engineer is always a FLIER as software engineers always search for a platform to take off from.

The contractor being a big sandalwood fan every time there is a flop movie that comes out he lays down a HUMP in memory of the producer who has gone bust... Hence the number of HUMPS is directly proportional to the number of dead, suicidal, bust producers of Kannada movies.

So that concludes my HUMPING laws.... Happy and Safe HUMPING... :D