Auto Raja

Public transport is one of the most efficient of transport until recently in Bangalore. Buses and Autos and Taxis are the mostly used according to the descending order of use. Buses do not pose a big threat by con men apart from the odd conductor not giving you change ranging from 2Rs to 10Rs.

Meanwhile taxis are usually organized and again not much of threat as most of  the people using taxis are usually to the airport or even they don't its quite fool proof.

Then you have the local auto rajas of Bangalore. They can literally take you out on a Bangalore Yatra if you aren't from around and even if you are and don't know the routes. I am not saying that everyone is a con man who would just swindle you for an extra buck.

But the trick is to trick a con man into making him think that you know the place. So here is the list of five things that you shouldn't do while getting into an auto.

1. First Commandment: Sir nimage route gotha?? Do you know the route.?? Never ask the Auto raja if he knows the route to a particular place.
2. Second Commandment: When he says Meter mele hathu rupai kodi (meter charges plus ten rs) usually the place is nearby and you can probably walk the distance.
3. Third Commandment: Do not succumb to emotional atyachar like poor people, full day riding to make a living and nonsense like that. He is out to make an honest living not to ask for qualms. 
4. Fourth Commandment: Never ask him if he can take a route always tell him to take a route. If you think you know an area that comes in between your departure and destination tell the areas name and ask him to take that route. That usually throws him off guard and makes him think you know the place.
5. Fifth Commandment: This is the final and most important of them all. If you see a photo of a person shown below, stuck on the wind shield never ask him if it is the auto raja's father cause I cannot guarantee you will reach your destination in one piece.

This just some of the rules that I personally think works with our local auto raja's. And for god's sake please never ask who Rajkumar aka Raj anna is.... ;)

Cheers until then... :)

Day to Day Survival Strategy

Every day we deal with people, this poses the greatest challenge to one's character and his ability to cope with LIFE on a daily basis..

There are two kinds of people we generally meet the The GOOD and The BAD... The GOOD generally do good deeds so we don't need to worry much about them, whereas the BAD one's generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

Now generally speaking there are two kinds of BAD people... the one's who ungli themselves and the one's who ungli others... The one's that ungli themselves are self destructive elements so we don't need to worry much about them, whereas the one's who ungli us generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

 The one's who ungli us can be of two kinds one with long fingers and other with small fingers... the one's with the small fingers wont be able to hurt your pubic hairs also so u generally don't have to worry about them, whereas the one's with the long fingers generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

Now the one's with the long fingers can be of two types generally...  the genetic freaks and the non genetic freaks... the genetic freaks are all the one's with the manufacturing defect so nothing can be done about them they will be the same forever, whereas the non genetic freaks generally get on your nerve so they need to be dealt with...

That gives us the BAD UNGLI-ing LONG FINGERED NON GENETIC FREAKS... this infinitesimally narrow minded group of self righteous jackasses are the one's whom we generally need to deal with on a daily day to day basis... Statistically speaking this is a group of narcissistic, people loathing bunch of jerks... As the management strategy goes figuring out the problem is 75% of your solution. We now know what your issue is and what exact group of people cause major problems in your life..

We now can isolate this group of problem causing people this has solved 75% of your problems... now comes the solution part... we have two solutions or rather two ways to go about it or philosophically speaking this is your fork in the road... We can either choose to fight fire with fire and become BAD UNGLI-ing LONG FINGERED NON GENETIC FREAKS in their lives and get your hands dirty which is actually unhygienic and uncouth...

While we have another way to go about doing things... Assume you are in the matrix and these group of people are those people that are in the matrix and you are Neo the one who understands the reality, and in your reality these people don't really hold any value and they are merely a figment of your imagination... they are so small that they don't even deserve a Kilobyte of your memory space in your brain...

Finally Its not about Forgive and Forget, it's about not accepting that such people even exist... Keep smiling whatever happens... (",)

The Humping laws... :)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... Do not get deceived or start fantasizing after reading the title, You people must understand that no obscenity will be entertained on this blog in any form... So without much further ado what am I here to write about...

Well from ages of research and investigation here are my findings about how, why and where do the BBMP(Bruhat Bengaluru Mahanagara palike) guys put humps and make their roads... Before we go into the details of the study I would like to describe what is a hump and different kinds of humps that can be found on the road... Humps are basically designed to slow down and oncoming vehicle...

The word hump is basically derived from hump of a camel since it is shaped similarly... Now other than the traditional humps there are 2 other kinds of humps that can be found on the road one is the Speed cushions and the flat top humps... I call them the speed cushions THE RATTLERS and i call the the flat top humps THE FLIERS... So enough of this gyan lets go to the main gyan at hand...

So following are the rules they follow to make those dreadful HUMPS,

Whenever the contractor fights with his wife he adds a HUMP... The number of HUMPS are directly proportional to the intensity of the fight and the type of HUMP depends on the Universal Humping constant H...

Every other time the contractor sees a Software engineer on the road the contractor lays down a HUMP in his memory, Therefore the number of HUMPS is actually equal to the number of software engineers in Bangalore. The point to be noted here is the HUMPS laid for a software engineer is always a FLIER as software engineers always search for a platform to take off from.

The contractor being a big sandalwood fan every time there is a flop movie that comes out he lays down a HUMP in memory of the producer who has gone bust... Hence the number of HUMPS is directly proportional to the number of dead, suicidal, bust producers of Kannada movies.

So that concludes my HUMPING laws.... Happy and Safe HUMPING... :D

Mid Summer Dreams (Part 2) : The TEST

Very few people make a huge impact in our lives... Only one or two of them are worth remembering however painful remembering them is... Reena was her name the fresh software tester right out of college... Raghu woke up with a hangover like headache with just one thing ringing in his mind Reena... Rekha was trying to tell him the chores he had to do today and all he could hear was a blunt ring... When she was done he just nodded in agreement as she left him and Arjun for a Dad and sons day out together... It was a gloomy summer day after the rain the previous day and he thought to himself GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE...

He got up from him is bed and with the most strategically implemented plans efficiently managed to tidy up everything and finished the chores he could remember from the rambles earlier in the morning... When he was done it was time for breakfast and Arjun got his dads specialty breakfast cereal with cold milk... When arjun asked his dad "papa why cant I get something hot for breakfast" all he would get in a reply would be "ohh beta shall I pop it in the microwave for sometime" he was old enough to know this answer so arjun being the bigger man refrained from popping the question to his lovely dad...

Still in Raghu's thoughts was Reena he wanted to finish breakfast quickly and get to do some reading on the laptop... Arjun called it lappy toppy and was angry by the fact that it spent more time on his dads lap than him and considered it his worst enemy... Raghu took Arjun to their living room and gave him arjuns toys to play around as he could have all the time reading what he had to read... June 9th that was the day he had pinged her first it all started off as a dream which bloomed into a blossoming tulip flower... He made her laugh like never before, sang for her in his hoarse bathroom singing voice the rush of emotions were overwhelming by the time Raghu was done reading the final chat he had tear drops running down his cheeks without his knowledge...

It was all a passing cloud for Raghu as he was flying to the USA for a project and Reena had to get married... Both were stuck at a juncture where they had to make a choice between love and life and both chose the latter... Raghu flew away and Reena got married after he came back everything had changed and he had nothing but getting a move on in life... That was it the last chat of byee forever "I hope we don't see each other again" simple words that tore apart his every belief he had of love... Does it even exist he thought and the corner of his eye caught Arjun lying weeping and drenched in his own tears... The first thing that came to his mind was did he swallow something or did something wrong...

Raghu (in a loud voice) : What did you do????

Arjun who was lying down till now felt the fright of his life and didnt know what to answer and was cowering at his dads mighty voice... Still loud Raghu said "why dont u tell me what happened why are u crying like a wimp" with an angrier voice... He tried to talk with all his might but his lips could only spurt out a lone whimper while he got a tight slap on his back which made him burst out into a full blown fit of weeping... Raghu never hit his kid before but he was doing it despite his instinct and another blow went out on the poor kids back ordering him to stop crying...

While the next blow was going out Raghu managed to look at his face in the mirror and it looked nothing like him with all the wrath and anger and disgust... It was like he had turned into a monster and himself for doing it... Was god testing him he thought or punishing him for what he did as he embraced arjun and consoled him and apologized for what happened he made him sit on his lap and consoled him to stop crying and asked him...

Raghu: Beta tell papa what happened... why were u crying??
Arjun: Papa I saw you crying... the lappy toppy was making you cry and I couldnt do anything...

Raghu detested himself for what had happened and promised Arjun that thing will never make me cry again beta... He saw his family photo as this was happening so many things had happened and this was certainly a test, a test of his integrity, a test of his willingness to let go, a test of actual love... With a grim smile Raghu selected all the chats and hit DELETE...

Frozen in time.....

Dads watch which I am using now... Time passes by leaving behind memories... :)

Mid summer dreams (PART 1) : Evolution

Some stories are meant to be told, some stories are meant to be read but some stories come up from memories, they are ones that are unsaid and untold and remain a secret and are the best ones that anyone could have... Each day goes by without even thinking of things that once remained at the top of the list until one fine day the dust clears up giving you nostalgia and the only thing that would be left with you would be the memories and a single tear drop..... The thought in your mind would be what could you have done differently for things to have been better than what it is now and your brain would signal back blank messages and you would be awe struck by the reality and it hurts... It hurts the maximum when you hit the ground with all the might gravity could ever offer..............

One busy rainy summer afternoon in Bangalore, All Raghu could do was to just sit there in his cubicle, read his old chats and stare out of his window at the rain.... Thinking why does google even save his chats, why did he have to open his old chats to search for some link his friend sent him the previous day all these questions all these questions of why, who, when and how kept ringing as his Manager kept calling out for him....

Manager: Raghu man we need you here there is a damn production defect....
Raghu: still reeling out from the euphoria turned swiftly wiping the only drop of tear and got into his work...

Things were not the same for Raghu as they were now..... After fixing the defect he got up from his seat and went to his Managers cubicle but on his way his eyes as they were trained to do so all the time glanced upon an empty cubicle.... Emptiness is all that he had left in him.... He had friends he had money he had a good life but then the glance at the empty cubicle made his gut feel sick of emptiness and churn out the bile into his stomach...

As soon as he was done with work with great difficulty he managed to get back into his chats which lasted a mile long.... Dont know why but he had a smile a mile long as he shut down his workstation and headed back home with a thought that he had some huge amount of reading to do.... Fiddling through the traffic he could reach home just in time to catch his son Arjun go to sleep.... He had hardly spent time with his family with the amount of work he was doing his beautiful wife Rekha was astonished to see Raghu actually coming early from office that evening.... As they went to bed Raghu promised her he would take care of Arjun the next day and would spend all the time with family at home as Rekha had some shopping to do....

After turning from one side to another the insomnia kept him awake.... So he decided to do something rather than lie down and think... He quickly powered up his laptop and logged into google and started looking at his chats right to the beginning.... The beginning of time it could be called the 9th of June 2010... The date of EVOLUTION.... He just saw the date as Rekha woke up with light from the laptop she got up complaining you cant stay away from that thing and snatched his laptop away and stashed it away.... Raghu then reluctantly went back to bed and lying down thinking of the day that changed his life and went into his emptiness then into a deep sleep........

Illuminated...

A temple near office... Had my camera while riding back home and had to click this... :)